Yoga Masters

Sooner or later everyone reaches a point in their life where they say “I can’t cope.” Or “I can’t deal with this.” Or “Why am I stressing over everything?” Sooner or later just about everyone begins to see that their stressing is contributing to being nervous, anxious, upset, run down, tired, or even sick. They also see that they need to do something about it.

Of course, such a person will try to make changes in their surroundings, such as finding a new job, going for walks, exercising, eating better, cutting down on the noise level, and so on. But most people then discover that even after the changes are made, they still feel stressed. Besides, some of the stresses are basically memories that keep coming back to haunt them. It is obvious that just a change of scene or going for a walk won’t make the memories go away.

So many of us will start to look for coping strategies.

How Our Meditation Can Help

A well known but often overlooked factor-called resentment-is the subtle tipping point that separates us from our calm center of dignity and sends us over the brink into anger, fear, nervousness, and upset which contribute to a host of symptoms. I have found the antidote to resentment-awareness and forgiveness-and a meditation that helps you implement awareness and forgiveness.

Practicing our meditation with a sincere intent and a true desire to be a better person closes the door on over-reactions and upset, and opens the door to a world of good.

In this article I will focus on the moment of reaction, wherein we fail. By learning how to remain calm or impassive in that instant, we by-pass our stress reactions and bring reason and understanding to bear. This has a very positive effect on our well being and on the situation. When we remain calm and reasonable, our body is not forced to react, and thus has the time and energy to recuperate from previous over reactions.

Moreover, our newfound calmness and reasonableness constitute a new way of dealing with life’s little ups and downs; our new way cancels out prior conditioning and establishes a new conditioning based on a rapport with our inner Ground of Good.

Now that you know where I am going, I would like to lay some groundwork for what is to follow.

A Primer on Stress

Basically anything we react to is a stress. Dr. Hans Selye, the father of stress research, said there are two types of stress: so called “eu-stress,” or pleasant stress, and “dis-stress” or unpleasant stress.

We are all familiar with unpleasant stress and the toll it can take on our body. If you eat something tainted, it stresses your body to react. Cold, wind, rain, or excessive heat stress the body and elicit a response. Spraining your ankle or falling off your bike are stresses that elicit responses. Being mugged, robbed, or mauled by a dog are stresses.

We also know that divorce, losing a job, or being betrayed by another are unpleasant stresses.

The negative or unpleasant stresses cause a whole variety of bodily responses and changes, both specific (like a scab on a wound) and nonspecific (affecting the whole body). These changes take energy and ultimately take their toll on the body. Stress is cumulative, in that it gradually uses up our life force. Yes, some stresses are part of life (like a rain shower, a hot day, or a brisk windy day). They can’t really be totally avoided (except the excessive ones). They are invigorating and without them we would stagnate.

But Dr. Selye discovered that so-called eu-stresses such as going to a party, attending an exciting ball game, or starting new job are stresses too.

These stresses may be pleasant, but they also take their toll on the body just as much as obvious unpleasant stresses do.

Dr. Selye was not saying that we should avoid new or fun situations. They are part of life and are invigorating. But he is saying that we should be aware that any stress ultimately wears us down. Too much stress, either dis-tress (like a divorce or being fired) or eu-stress (moving to a new house) will wear you down quicker. More stress wears you down quicker than less stress. And stress is cumulative.

Stress takes its toll. It may be invigorating, but it also drains us of life force. And our over-reactions (to whatever is, by definition, the stressor) lead to all manner of symptoms.

Bottom line: we must find a way to take things in stride, both good and bad.

In other words, over-reactions are not good. Look at all the over-reactions which are purely physical level: asthma, allergies and auto immune disease-where the body’s extreme responses are more harmful than what the stressor is doing. In other words, pollen cannot really hurt you, but an over-reaction can. Anaphylactic shock is a big over-reaction that can even kill a person.

But how about all of our emotional over-reactions: anger, rage, irritation, hostility, hyper excitement on the one hand and hurt feelings, disappointment and frustration on the other? These emotions are reactions that are stressing us. Many people love to over-react and yell and scream at ball games, for example. Or they love to moan and groan and play the “poor me, what have I ever done to deserve this” game. They are adding stress to their lives through these feelings.

People ague and quarrel all the time because they react angrily. Others react angrily and suppress it, but their reaction is still stressing their body.

Many people get irritated at others, and they secretly enjoy having something to complain about. They feel they have a right to judge others and complain. But their daily bouts of irritation take a toll on the body.

Some people party, study too much and stay up late, depriving themselves of sleep. They are subjecting their body to stress. No wonder they feel drained the morning after the night before. No wonder people come back from a vacation more drained than before they left.

Just as partying and then cramming for a test are unnecessary stresses which we inflict on ourselves, so are our angers, secret hostilities, and impatient frustrations.

Another example. Take work for instance. Of course we have to work. But we should be able to work without becoming angry and upset at our work.

Life will throw things our way. But we should be able to go through life without reacting to everything. What I am saying is that some stress is unavoidable. But too much stress is not good for us. And most of us heap add an extra layer of stress on ourselves through our emotional reactions.

Many of us are experiencing huge amounts of stress unnecessarily because we are indulging emotions all the time, especially anger, hostility and resentment.

Work is one thing; working angrily is another. Encountering a traffic jam is one thing; becoming upset at it is another.

Here is the key to eliminating undue stress from your life. Let go of resentment. Resentment is the little reaction that begins the cascade of stress reaction and misery and suffering. You must learn to watch for it, and let it go. That is what all my writings are about.

Resentment is the elephant in the living room. If you want to control stress, you’re going to have to control resentment.

Resentment and Impatience, Conformity and Rebellion

I also want to make you aware that you have not been properly taught about how to deal with the stress of meanness, tease, injustice, or life’s little irritations.

Your problem may not be willful pridefulness; it may be that you keep being tricked and dragged into emotional reactions, because of a lack of understanding. Not knowing any better, you over-reacted, and now you don’t know how to stop reacting or passing the pain down the chain and causing others to react to you. If so, just learn the secret of giving up resentment, and your emotional reactions will soon diminish.

Look at the harm done to kids when parents react with impatience to the child’s innocent questions or little mistakes. Impatience is a negative reaction. It is an ego indulgence. The impatience then causes the child to react. The child reacts to the injustice and the lack of love that impatience signifies. Thus the child is reacting to the stress of the parent’s lovelessness.

Today I was in a thrift shop. A man was carrying a little girl around. She sat on one arm while his other arm was free to pick up and look at items he was considering buying. He said to her “take it easy.” She reacted with a little upset. Then he said “take it easy” again. This time his voice was loud and impatient. She began to dry and called out for momma. This was a typical example of an impatient adult causing a child to become upset. He is setting her up for a lifetime of emotional reactions and stress.

Therefore, if you want to be free from stress and its debilitating symptoms, you must learn to stop over-reacting. And to stop over-reacting, you must learn to give up resentment, judgment and impatience.

Let me say it again: if you want to stop over-reacting, you must learn to watch out for resentment. As a little child (like the little girl in my example), you could not help but react with upset when people were impatient or cruel to you. But now you can. The difference between you then (as a little child) and now is that now you have added resentment to the upset. Let go of the resentment. Then you will be able to stand back and observe the upset out of existence.

Before giving you some simple things you can do to begin living more independently through grace and forgiveness, I want to cover a very important but little discussed aspect of emotions and their contribution to stress. I want to discuss how emotions overlay and actually incite bodily stress responses.

Remember what we said about the two aspects of our reactions: biology and attitude. There is the purely biological, which we share with other animals, consisting of mechanisms of flight or fight, move toward or move against, sympathetic and parasympathetic response, pro and anti inflammatory responses, other immune responses, and so on.

We said that these reactions are important and necessary for survival. In the long run, they do drain us of life force, but in the short run they keep us alive. They only become dysfunctional:
1) when they are unnecessary, such as when we get angry over slow traffic.
2) When they are out of control, such as when the body begins to attack itself.
3) When the symptoms from the stress reaction are more harmful than what they are reacting to, such as in the case of allergies or sepsis.

We cannot help our natural biological reactions. We can’t stop ourselves from being startled if someone says “boo” behind us. But you do have control over whether you become resentful when they startle you. If you find yourself becoming angry or irritated at them (or at yourself), I guarantee there is resentment behind it.

We must learn to have an attitude which is less emotional and resentful, so that our body is not compelled to react to stresses that we create for ourselves. We can learn not to add emotional reaction to the purely physical ones.

Here is the key to eliminating undue stress from your life. Let go of resentment.

Go back and take a look at the examples I gave of situations that we reacted to with negative emotions. You will notice that underneath the anger, rage, irritation, hostility, frustration, and dejection can be found resentment. Why? Because resentment cuts you off from your inner ground of good. It cuts you off from patience, faith and love. And when a person does not have faith and love, how else can they react but with faithlessness and impatience? And when things start to get to them, how else can they react but with resignation, defensiveness and resentment?

Perhaps now you can have some compassion on your poor old mom and dad. You may have judged them harshly, but now that you have walked a mile in their moccasins, you can see that they worried because they did not have faith (as you don’t). They became impatient because they did not have a rapport with their ground of good (just as you don’t). And they became upset because they were resentful (as you have been).

Another thing: when we get upset, angry and frustrated, it is sustained by negative hostile and destructive thinking. Resentment is what initiates and reinforces the negative thoughts.

There is a vicious cycle involved. The negative thoughts spin negative emotions, and then those emotions spin more negative thoughts, and so on.

Resentment is the “little” reaction that begins the cascade of negative emotion and thinking and unnecessary stress reactions that lead to misery and suffering. You must learn to watch for it, and let it go.

I have a lot more to say on this topic but am now just seeking to make you aware of the role of resentment in exacerbating your emotional issues.

Roland Trujillo M.S., life coach and author, is Director of the Center For Common Sense Counseling and host of the popular Coach Roland internet radio show on Blogtalk Radio. Coach Roland offers solutions and tools for dealing with stress, letting go of baggage from the past, and healing relationships. Roland knows that resentment underlies many of our stress and relationships issues. Roland says: Love is the answer, but to find love we must let go of resentment.” Find out more by visiting http://www.rolandtrujillo.com. For marriage issues, visit http://www.commonsensecouples.blogspot.com. You will find free resources and valuable information. Coach Roland has been helping people for 20 years.

Author: Roland Trujillo
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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